he is

It's just another day...

but he has been there for me for the past 16 years, caring about hat happens to me and how I feel.

and he has loved me with all his heart, even when I decide to do less intelligent things.

and he has given me two children just like him (alright, some days that isn't always a good thing).

and he knows the way to ease moodiness.

and he also knows that sometimes he just needs to leave me the hell alone and I will get over it.

and he works his butt off (okay, not literally because I would miss the rounded ass...though not the noises that can come from said ass) to support his family.

and he makes life better for those he loves.

and hen I say he loves fiercely, he loves fiercely. You do not mess with his wife or children.

When I love at him I see the sun, moon and stars. He is my hope and my love.

impressive.

Wow, I have to say I really like the new Design aspect of blogger. Tres impressive.

So its been a long time. I am working almost full time, doing the gyms three times a week with a trainer and two (sometimes) just for cardio and I am getting there. Slow and steady.

The kids are good, though we are going through some issues with school and maybe tomorrow I will spill my guts about how I feel like this incredible failure that I can't fix the issues...

Husband and I are well, a bit of stress has added a more hectic tone to our lives but we are still all good. I love him completely, even when he is a jackass.

But until tomorrow, I hope....

10 minutes, really?

10 minutes after I emailed my resume, I received a response (via email) for an interview tomorrow at 2pm! 10 minutes. Wow, I was feeling a bit down about myself but 10 minutes makes me think that I am on top of the world!

Course the money isn't all that great and they want open availability (and I am not sure how open I can be) but its another interview at least.

And supposedly I have this part time job too but they are waiting for final approval. Of course they have been waiting for that for 2 weeks now so I suppose we will see.

a general blah

I have realized that I am envious. Yes, we all are in our own ways but this weekend about killed me I think.

My brother, with whom I finally have a real relationship, signed the papers and moved into their new house. It is a sprawling two story, four bedroom house. Not necessarily the set up I would like, but its theirs and they love it. And I am jealous.

Don't get me wrong, I love our place now but I absolutely DESPISE our neighborhood! And trust me when I say despise isn't a strong enough word.

So I am jealous. And I am jobless (through no lack of trying that is sure). And I am just a general blahness.

all in moderation

I am not quite sure I have it in me to be this wonderfully expressive blogger, in fact I look at the computer and mocks me. Taunts me in its own lovely little flickering icon way. But I try, maybe I try more in my head then on paper but these things happen.

There is much ado in my life right now, income taxes have come in and the skies once again opened and reigned down upon me all there goodness. Of course, income taxes have always gone, so the goodness wasn’t as well established as one would like.

Since “coming into money” like we do once a year, I schedule the gauntlet of doctors’ visits, being that we have no insurance and all these tests and whatnot cost a fortune. Turns out my B12 was low, which led to…well, a low level. I have started taking B12 supplements and in three days I really do feel the difference, amazing what a day makes…let alone three. Witty, I know.

Also the husband is pushing me into looking for a new house. It is the time to buy one has said many, many, many, many times. Yes, I am fully aware now is an optimal time but I am chickenshit, just let me get a job first and then take it from there – but alas, we have talked to a mortgage broker and are letting the wheels spin.

The children, the lovely, lovely children are now at each other’s throats – constantly! I would like to think this is a phase they are going through and will outgrow it but I have to be honest, if I tell them to knock it off one more time…

See, these are all the mundane normal things that happen in life. It doesn’t make me any different than anyone else. But I suppose some days it’s just nice to let it all hang out.

welcome to the world of neurosis

So I am neurotic, I think I have said that before on here - WebMd and all those other sites are the antichrist I think.

I was in the ER on Monday, then had to go to the doctor on Wednesday as a follow up. I had noticed a bump on my head MONTHS ago, doesn't hurt, didn't bother me but figured while I was there I would ask about it. Bad idea. CT scan was done Friday. She said she thought it was bone, it was hard like bone but she couldn't be sure because I didn't know how long it was there.

Yeah, WebMd not good. I have a physical on the 1st and hopefully will hear then because right now I am sitting here with major stress on my shoulders. My upper back is tight and achy and my shoulders, down my neck...its stress and asthma and the like but damn, I am neurotic.

Course its also monetary issuses as well. Friday we should be getting the income tax back, I am keeping my fingers crossed because we are behind just slightly...and that doesn't help the tension I got going on.

Welcome to my world of neurosis.

a wheezing body hurts

The weather has changed again, while it is not the cold that literally hurts me, it is warmer...but the change of weather hurts me too. My asthma likes steady temps, hot and humid actually work where cold and dry do not. My upper back is a mass of knots from the wheezing and I feel as if I have run a marathon. It will get better, but I hate feeling like this.

It gives me NO ambition.

Today is 8 years of marriage. I love him dearly and cannot imagine my life without him. Of course if you want to be technical we have been together for 16 years now...or almost, somewhere in that vicinity. It amazes me. Love really is spectacular, hard days and all.