tired of the season already?!

I keep saying that I am going to write here more and what, I write one entry and then disappear again for awhile. I guess I am just tired of it. This really is my venting post though - there are not that many of you out there - I know, I am just not that exciting.

Its the life I lead.

But its the season now for family and drama and this year, I pledge to stay out of it and simmer via internet words. Its easier that way. And of course now that life as we know it has changed for the family (being that my mother married) I really refuse to get involved.

Say no, and go, and tell. Hell, no, not telling anything. Staying so far away from the telling that I can laugh and bitch and moan without anyone hearing anything! Yay.

And I need an applause, my Christmas shopping is done. Yes, I said it done. Woo hoo. Course I am beyond broke, but those things just don't matter. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself. Some days it works, others not so much. I do need to wrap and what not and I do need to do that in the next week and a half before the oldest has his surgery and will be bed bound for two weeks!

Such is life I suppose. I have a family member that right now is irritating the shit out of me. I guess its a battle of wills or something, but I am a bitch, I know that and I refuse to back the hell down.

to be a fly, or something like that

The holidays seem to come swooping down like these wonderous birds of prey...and I wish they would just take them away. Sometimes. But this weekend we took out all the Christmas stuff and just today, the tree. I had pondered long and hard about a real tree - but let's be realistic. It was 85 degrees out today and its only the 22nd of November, that poor tree would die from dehydration regardless the amount of water I fed it.

Went to the movies a week or so ago, my kiddos came with and we saw 2012. Usually we love disaster movies, this one was like all the rest - some people live, most die but the world more or less collapses upon itself. Well my nine year old freaked a bit. He knows the year 2012 is three years away and he was panicking. My cousin who is 19 tells him that he can quote scientific proof that everything will be okay...

yeah, that really doesn't work for a 9 year old but thanks for trying.

Now, we just don't mention the movie. And its not one that I would want to buy anyway, it really is just like all the rest of them.

We have a "roommate" so to speak. My adopted mother. Her son was a fucktard and told her more or less, fuck off and she had no where to go. This is the genius who got AMAZINGLY lucky that his sexual battery charges were dropped, but who's girlfriend stayed with him and is now pregnant. This is also the guy who's wife left him for a 63 year old or some kind of nonsense just three months ago or so...and the girlfriend is 7 weeks pregnant or so.

Fast mover, yeah?

So anyway, we have a roommate. She will only stay (at the most) until her income tax comes sometime in Mid-January. Once it does she will be able to afford the first month's rent and security and electric hook up. I have no problem with her being here but it does cramp the walking around in the middle of the night nekkid style that the hubby and I do have.

with quiet comes drama

I just don't write that much anymore, it seems the days are the same...

and yet, there is always drama. Apparently this weekend my neighbor (literally right next door) got arrested for sexual battery!!

I think its time to move.

Now I have to watch my kids even more closely than I already do...and trust me they are already watched like a hawk.

I am neurotic, I admit that but this is the wellfare of me and mine.

Oh and the TV died today and of course it has to be a big screen in the living, hello charge card how do I love thee.

bird, plane?

It's a bird, it's a plane...nope, just my thirties hitting the runway.

And I am driving to Virginia to move the cousins to Florida.

how in the world did this happen

It's day three of school, Thing 1 is in third grade and Thing 2 is in first, both boys managed quite successfully to get on the bus to come home yesterday. Yes this was a big day for mom and children. I have been driving the things for years now, it stems from my inability to control the driving situation. And this morning the husband put them on the bus, let me tell you 6:45am is way too early to get up and comprehend the world.

And while its day three and I am trying to sit on my swine flu worries, yes, I admit I am dramatic and worried - it happens - I am actually enjoying MY first day home and alone. And I am bored beyond belief right now!!! WTF?!

what a good mommy

I have decided that I would never to be able to work in a daycare or a a school or as a teacher or anything to do with children other than my own...or my family. I just can't do it. At least when I yell at family I don't feel as if I am doing a bad thing, they are family.

And I think the clock is moving backwards while I wait for the insane fighting between a girl and two boys to stop.

I'll take boys any day of the week. She got dropped off at 7:30am. My littlest was still sleeping, well of course he woke up. She started laughing this hyenna like laugh and my youngest says, "you have a big mouth."

He really was speaking the truth but I told him to be nice anyway.

bothered

My mother is a different person...and she doesn't answer her phone unless she's at school.

It bothers me.

a tiny corner in the big bad world

Sometimes I forget the things that are right in front of me and I wonder if its easier that way.

There days where I wish I had a million readers on here and could shout out bits of wisdom as quickly as my children can gather their burps and do the ABCs. And then I wake up and realize that I am glad I don't have a million readers, I think my number stands at 10...but I bet maybe two of you actually read. This is my place.

I thought for so long that I was done with the blogging world but this is my little space.

blech

My brother made detective...I am happy for him, I am...

but after 10 months of job searching I have nothing.

too loudly

The clock ticks softly, or maybe its the soft whirr of fan blades or thesubtle nuances of the television -

its almost midnight and the house is dark, finally after a full day of company. Sometimes you really can see enough of someone.

I am feeling suffocated by hurt lately, family members that were once so close are now distant and unable to look at me. I just want to know what I did wrong.

Night always speaks too loudly.

all better in the world of mothers and daughters

All is better, seems the world's axis has shifted and I just don't give a shit anymore. Seriously, it makes for much easier days. I am thrilled for her, she deserves this but the responsibility falls to me now and I have to admit, the toll is being taken.

But its alright.

I have been too exhausted to even write at the moment, terrible when its my shrink. I feel like I should talk to the computer and ask if I should lay on that ugly plush couch in the corner. Confess my insecurities and write checks for obsence amounts.